A recent discussion with friends about what to buy for baby threw out the interesting topic of breastfeeding tops. On the whole, we agreed that breastfeeding tops were unnecessary. However, while the others agreed this was because they are relatively expensive and you can create your own by wearing two layers of clothing, I believe they're just unnecessary, full stop.
This is because I think that all this discussion about how to breastfeed discreetly is creating lots of negativity about breastfeeding in mothers' minds. The very fact that breastfeeding tops exist suggests to mothers that breastfeeding is something they might like to hide. Likewise the nursing covers you can get although, to be honest, they just draw attention to you.
I put it to you that no one notices a mother breastfeeding except for other breastfeeding mothers. This is based on the fact that I have spent five years of my life breastfeeding (not continuously, obviously!) and have fed my babies anywhere and everywhere. During that time, I received no comments whatsoever, except for a few mums coming up to me to say what a great thing they thought I was doing for my baby. And each time that happened, it made my day!
Breastfeeding in public doesn't mean flashing your nipples all over town centres and attracting loads of attention. It means feeding you baby whenever and wherever he needs it even if you're not in your home. Feeding on demand relies on you being confident about feeding anywhere and one of the ways we can nurture that confidence in other mothers is by feeding in public in whatever clothes we happen to be wearing and without a nursing cover. Seeing another mother breastfeeding her baby gives more confidence in breastfeeding than seeing a neck-to-knee flowery cover out of the corner of your eye or not being sure if a baby is feeding or not (and you daren't look!).
We also need to be confident about our now-changed bodies and the sisterhood of breastfeeders can help us with that too. Stretch marks are wonderful natural tattoos that honour the most outstanding period of our lives. A mother showing them off, albeit inadvertently, while feeding her baby gives a great message to other mothers: "I support you. Our bodies have changed because they have created new life and now we are nurturing that new life with our milk. We are fabulous!"
If you are self-conscious about breastfeeding in public (you really don't need to be but all feelings are valid) then try nursing while sitting in front a mirror. You can't see "anything," can you? If you still feel self-conscious, think about the strength and support you would be giving other mothers by feeding without a piece of kit to cover up what you're doing. If neither of these things strike a chord with you then yes, go out and buy a breastfeeding top or a nursing cover. Better to breastfeed with those than to give up demand feeding because you can't bear to do it in public.
We are all wonderful mothers, whatever our approaches to breastfeeding. Breastfeeding tops and covers have been designed with the best of intentions but, unfortunately, they are also putting out a message that is undermining breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is normal and natural. It is not something that should be hidden away. Please bear that mind when you're shopping for baby things.
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